Catch Your Hare

Did you do that exercise? Pick a quality you’d like to display more, then observe someone with that quality. What do they do? How do they behave?

I did the exercise. I want to appear more reliable and trustworthy. So I observed the woman in the office next to me, who’s reliable and trustworthy. Let’s call her Sarah.

Before I describe her, imagine how you’d act reliable and trustworthy if I asked you to. Here’s what I’d do: I’d slow down, speak in a deep voice, be stiller, speak more monotonously, sit in a contained way.

Here’s what Sarah does.

• Sarah moves fast: walking controlledly, rather than running. She bursts into our office, grabs stuff from the printer and leaves within seconds.
• She makes jokes and laughs a great deal. She’s extremely sarcastic.
• When she has something important to say, she slows down and her voice becomes deeper. She looks at you very directly. She doesn’t embroider her words: she’ll state what she thinks, very directly. (”That’s really bad.” “That’s dangerous”).
• Her voice is generally confident, perhaps slightly lower than a normal female pitch. Her rate of delivery is slightly fast, even when it’s important.
• She doesn’t often face you directly. Often, she’ll talk while facing nearly 90 degrees away from you. However, she’ll turn to face you when it’s important.

Now, note how this differs from the “acting reliable” stereotype and how it resembles it. If you asked me to “act reliable”:

• I’d move slowly and stolidly. Sarah moves fast.
• I’d speak seriously. Sarah jokes.
• I’d speak slowly. Sarah speaks fast.
• I’d lower my voice. Sarah does that, but only when she’s serious.
• I’d face you almost directly, perhaps at a slight angle, to show how serious and reliable I was. Sarah faces away.

The lesson here is: people don’t act like we think they act. Reliable people don’t act as we think “reliable people” act. That’s an early indicator that, when I try to “act reliable”, I’m acting differently from the way reliable people act.

Before we move on, remember that exercise. It’s invaluable. If you want to display a quality, observe people with that quality. See how they behave.

In the next post, I’ll carry on thinking about this. How do confident people act? How about people who are in control? How about intelligent people?

Before we go on, a quick exercise. Don’t worry, it’s interesting.

Choose a quality you’d like to display at work. Confidence is a good example, but choose one you’d like to display. For example, I think I appear confident already, but I’d like to appear more relaxed.

Then, over the next few days, find someone whom you believe has that quality.

Now, forget about that quality, and dispassionately observe:

1. What they do with their voice.
2. What they do with their body.
3. How they stand.
4. How they use their arms.
5. Their eye contact.

As you observe, forget about the quality. Don’t try to deduce how they communicate, say, confidence with their voice. Just observe how they use their voice.

Equally, don’t choose the person based on your preconceptions about how one should best communicate that quality. If you think that a loud voice is important to appearing confident, make sure you don’t choose someone because they have a loud voice. Choose someone who just, to you, appears confident.

I’ll do this too. Actually do it and tell me the results. Don’t worry, there’s no trick. And then I’ll follow it up in the next post.

So, here we go. This section is about how to appear confident, in control, reliable, reassuring or any of the things you might want to appear at work. Of course, it’ll take more than one post to do this. But this is a start: and I’ll start with an acting metaphor.

Young actors like to act angry. When, in a play, their character is angry, they shout, screw up their faces, point and so on. To them, it feels good. To the audience, it’s excruciating to watch: it’s like watching someone who is trying to look angry.

Acting tutors call this, dismissively, “angry acting”. They advise against it: and, similarly, against “sad acting”, “romantic acting” and so on.

You see this, also, in the workplace. When managers want to appear confident, they speak louder, smile more and use expansive hand gestures: “confident acting”. The result is: they look like someone who wants to look confident. This, of course, makes them appear less confident.

The rule is: never act a quality. Don’t act “confident” or “angry” or “in control”. You’ll look like someone who wants to look like that.

Over the coming posts, I’ll expand on this, and I’ll start to explain how to effectively act confidently, or angry, or in control. First, though, an exercise. Don’t worry, it’s a fun one.

So, this is really stupid. For about two weeks, I’ve been upset because nobody replied to this post. And then I realised I hadn’t posted it. So, um, here you go.

Did you know I’m an actor? That’s my job or, at least, one of them. In particular, I recruit people, often managers and salespeople.

I’ll explain this, because it often confuses people. Let’s say you’re hiring a manager. You want to see how he handles, say, a performance review. So, you hire me, playing an underperforming employee, and see how he does. Or you want to hire a salesperson. Again, you hire me, playing a reluctant buyer, and see if the person can sell.

Hence, I’ve seen hundreds of people trying to look:

• Confident
• Authoritative
• Decisive

and other things that, because they’re being watched, they’re not feeling at that moment.

So, what follows are acting tips to use at work. They’ll help you look more confident, more authoritative, more watchable. There’s going to be a lot of them. Here we go.