Simon’s game was so boring that I learnt to roll dice with my nose
We played 4th edition D&D tonight, at Simon’s house.
Now, I’m not sure why it was so boring. Perhaps I don’t like D&D as much as I thought. Perhaps I didn’t understand the rules well enough. Either way, I was bored out of my mind.
In the first half-hour, I had to stop letting my head rest on the table apathetically. To do this, I used two batteries to support my head, so it didn’t quite hit the table. I had to put the negative terminals on my forehead, because the positive terminals would have left too much of a mark.
Working out how to do this was more fun than playing the game. However, Steve noticed me and asked me what I was doing, so I had to stop.
Then I rolled a die, but missed whatever I was trying to hit, and had to wait 20 minutes before my turn came round again.
During this 20 minutes, I learnt to roll dice with my nose. This is a specialised skill. Hit the die wrongly and the die merely slides instead of rolling. The correct action is a golf-style swing with your nose, hitting the die slightly above its centre.
Working out how to do this was also more fun than playing the game.
By now, all the monsters were dead. We did a bit of roleplay and found a map to another dungeon. (Note: the only treasure we found in the first dungeon was a map to another dungeon. Adventurers must hate that. “Oh, it’s only another fucking map.”)
Around this time, I left.
I will go back when they stop playing D&D.
4 comments
I like to think that my GM’ing might have had something to do with it.
You didn’t have to stop. If balancing your head on batteries was more fun then by all means carry on doing that.
Neither Paolo nor I are convinced by 4e but we’ve got higher tolerances levels than you.
I was surprised that you’d bothered to turn up at all. Even character creation seemed to be a drag for you, although I did enjoy your “so we get to make up our own powers?”
I don’t get how everybody wants to play D&D 4 when they didn’t give a shit about dungeoncrawling and minis and floor plans before. Really, I am baffled. Then again, I do enjoy an occasional round of Blood Bowl. But at least I don’t mix that up with role-playing to begin with.
Did the rest of the crew enjoy the game?
I think there’s some kind of instinctual “maybe NOW it’ll be like in my imagination!” cluster of brain cells inside every story-gamer’s head. We all wish the thing that got us into this hobby were actually enjoyable to play, and not just to dream about.
But it’s not.
And honestly, by comparison, D&D3 looks more fun. That’s saying something